It’s been a long while here on my blog. I really had to take a break to focus on many things, such as self-development, physical and mental health. Oh yes, I took a break and believe me, it’s good to be back.
Now I know you’re wondering why I named this blog post “Why should you take a break”. Well, the answers are not far-fetched. One thing I have noticed with humans is that we work and keep working till we are drained, sick and unable to work, then we are compelled to take a break. Which breeds the question “Why don’t we take a voluntary break?”
I guess you are thinking of the best answer to that question, right? Well, in all sincerity, there are definitely a lot of answers to the question, but it doesn’t change the fact that we all need that break before we get worn out and unable to work.
So, the answer to my question “Why should you take that break?” is;
You need to take that break to help you improve your health condition
You need to take that break for your mental health and your emotional wellbeing
You need that break to reevaluate and strategize for optimum results
All I am trying to say is that “A break is necessary” not just for your mental and physical health but also for you to understand life and live it in a way that helps you achieve what you want to.
The Blog held its first discussion on a closed WhatsApp group on the topic “Red Flags and Deal breakers in relationships” Here are the highlights of the discussion:
What are red flags?
Red flags are signals showing that you might not have a healthy relationship with a person. They are signs that shouldn’t be ignored
What are deal breakers?
A deal breaker is something that automatically disqualifies an individual. Deal breakers are a capital NO.
Red flags vs. Deal breakers
There is just a thin line between red flags and deal breakers, in that the red flags can be condoned, while the deal breakers are the limit–the point where you end the relationship or not even go into it.
For example, if “Clinginess” is a red flag for a person, and “Pride” is a deal breaker, the person would never want to be with an arrogant person, but can still tolerate a clingy person. Either way, if the person is clingy to a fault, the red flag then becomes a deal-breaker. This means that red flags can become deal breakers.
Possible examples of Red flags are;
Having a feeling of entitlement.
Inability to communicate.
Possible examples of deal breakers are:
Extremely rude people.
Domestic Violence (men who hit women and vice versa)
When should you look out for red flags and deal breakers?
You should look out for the red flags and deal breakers before and while in the relationship. Why? Because a lot of humans pretend to be who they aren’t, just so they could get what they want. It is said that you cannot entirely know your partner. Even while in the relationship, look out for the red flags and deal breakers.
How to handle a red flag when you are already in the relationship
It is very much possible not to see the red flag(s) until you’re in the relationship, and then you’re already in love. It feels like you cannot do anything again because you are already emotionally attached to the person. Here, what do you do?
The first thing is to communicate it with your partner. He/she may not see it as a red flag. By communicating, you get to know why the person is like that, and whether he/she wants to change. If the person is not willing to change, and it’s a big deal for you (I mean you can’t cope with it), then you have no other option than to end the relationship.
In conclusion, identifying and dealing with red flags and deal breakers is necessary for having a healthy relationship. Also, communication is key in any relationship. Communication helps to handle red flags in a relationship and helps to ensure red flags do not graduate into deal breakers in a relationship.
Let us know what you think about red flags and deal breakers in the comment session.
Have you ever doubted yourself or your skills? Have you ever felt like you are not worth what people value you to be? Or Have you felt like you are a fraud or like you are not worth all your achievements? If the answers to these is yes, then you may be experiencing “Imposter syndrome”
Imposter syndrome is a condition in which an individual doubts their skills, achievements, talents and experience constant fear of unworthiness. Imposter syndrome causes a person to feel they are unworthy of what they have achieved. It also makes a person feel like a fraud, who is not capable of the skills and achievement a person possesses.
Imposter syndrome makes a person feel like a fake. It is a constant war between yourself and your mind. A war that involves a conversation in which your mind questions your authenticity and makes you doubt what you proclaim yourself to be. With imposter syndrome, your mind constantly reminds you of your weaknesses and faults and always tries to convince you that you are unworthy of your skills and achievements.
Causes of Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a condition that can be traced to various factors. These factors will be discussed below to help you understand the origin of imposter syndrome.
Low self-esteem is a situation where you feel less of yourself. Hence, a person with low self-esteem experiences imposter syndrome when they achieve what they thought could never be achieved. Low self-esteem is one of the major causes of imposter syndrome.
The type of parenting style or type of family a person grew up with often determines the mindset and thinking processes of a person. A person who grew up in a family where everyone is always pressured to be better than the best; or a family who never rewarded minor achievements but were always transfixed on bigger achievements. A person who is raised in such families feels they are not doing enough anytime they achieve anything in life.
A person who has a mindset that everything needs to be perfect or a person surrounded by perfectionist experiences imposter syndrome. This is because no level of achievement will be perfect enough for the person.
Having friends around who talk down your achievement as a person is another reason behind imposter syndrome. A person who only has friends that ridicule their achievement or ideas experiences imposter syndrome.
Signs that you are experiencing Imposter Syndrome
The following are signs that show a person is experiencing imposter syndrome.
Constant feeling that you are fraud or fake and you will soon be discovered as a fake.
Absolute fear of weaknesses and faults
Constant comparison with peers
Being obsessed with perfection and assuming none of your skills and achievements are perfect enough.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
In handling imposter syndrome and ensuring that you don’t get stuck in the web of imposter syndrome, the following can be done to help overcome imposter syndrome.
Acknowledging your weaknesses
In other to deal with imposter syndrome, it is important to accept that every human has a weakness and your weaknesses does not mean you do not have strengths. A person who acknowledges their weaknesses as part of their learning process avoids or overcomes imposter syndrome.
Surround yourself with supportive friends
Another way to overcome imposter syndrome is to ensure your social circle is filled with supportive people who encourage you and support your work. These friends will help in constantly convincing you that you are worth your skills and achievements.
Avoid comparing yourself with others
Constantly comparing yourself with people will never make you feel enough of yourself. Hence, in other to avoid or overcome imposter syndrome, it is important to avoid comparing yourself with people.
Work towards perfection but don’t be obsessed with it
Another way to avoid imposter syndrome is to avoid being obsessed with perfection. A person who is obsessed with perfection will never feel enough. Therefore, it is important to avoid being obsessed with perfection.
Imposter syndrome makes you feel unworthy and below standard. It makes you feel lost and unwanted in a place you are. Which is why it is important to deal with imposter syndrome before it deals with you.
Learnt something? Let us know in the comment section.
“Why do I have to beg you before you talk to me? You don’t pick up, neither do you return my calls. You offend me and then play the victim, making me admit guilt and apologize for the sake of peace. For how long will this last?”
These were the words of a person whose partner suddenly changed after months of dating.
Could this be LOVE?
If you’re in this type of situation, or you’re interested in knowing more about this, you are in the right place to get the exact knowledge you need.
This is a guest post by Kunye Ifeoluwa.
In this article, Love, Manipulation, and Toxic Relationships will be discussed.
We start by discussing what LOVE entails. Love is an utmost, passionate affection for another person. It is a feeling of warmth, emotional attachment and deep liking. Even the holy book defines love as “being patient and kind, doesn’t envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. Neither is it self-seeking and has no record of wrongs. It rejoices in the truth”.
Manipulation means wavering someone’s emotions to make them feel some type of way. It involves the direct or indirect influence on a person decision or actions through deceptive or abusive tactics.
You know you’re in a toxic relationship when you’re being demeaned, when you mostly feel attacked, when your partner never says sorry even when he/she is wrong, when it feels like you’re forcing the “vibes”. You know you’re in a toxic relationship when you want to have a conversation with your partner (especially one which is pertaining to you both) and he/she shuts you up and says you should never attempt to bring up such matters again.
Manipulative partners are so deceitful. They make you feel you’re not enough, they make you feel you’re nothing close to ‘standards’. You question your worth. In fact, most foundations of low self-esteem are from toxic relationships, because you’re being devalued and discredited. Nothing you do is ever correct. They always find faults in you and never appreciate you.
Signs of a manipulative partner
Gaslighting is another form of manipulation. It is one in which a person is being falsified to the extent that they doubt their own sanity. Your emotions are being played with, your partner deceives you to believe that he/she didn’t do something, and then leaves you to feel like a bad person.
Asides from gaslighting, a manipulative partner will always:
Fail to communicate.
Never support you.
Always be the cheat, but make you feel you’re the unfaithful one. They mostly have issues with trusting their partners.
Feel like they’re the right one, and make you feel like a terrible person.
Be resentful. They hardly forgive and forget. They will always refer to the past.
Be boastful and never willing to say “sorry”, “thank you”, and the other magic words.
Never respect you.
Make excuses when you need them.
When these signs are shown, you should know that they are the red flags. Don’t be fooled and think it’s their personality. Some will say “that’s how I am” and keep breaking hearts. No one deserves to be treated like trash. Don’t stay in a toxic relationship. Don’t date a manipulator because you will end up being who you don’t want to be.
Note; A person who loves you will never manipulate you. If you’re being manipulated, you’re not loved. You’re only being misled.
Have you felt like you are the only one in a relationship? Or like that one person you spend all your time with, is not giving you that attention you deserve? Or, like your other half, is not committed to your friendship or relationship? If the answer to these questions is “Yes”, then you are most likely being breadcrumbed.
I know you are wondering what “Breadcrumbing” means in a relationship. The answers are not farfetched. Breadcrumbing is the act of leading a person on, with no intention of being serious with them. It also means giving a person an amount of time and attention, to keep them interested and around with no serious intentions towards them.
Signs that you are being breadcrumbed by your partner
Still wondering if you are being breadcrumbed or not? Well, these are signs that show you are:
They play the victim
When you are being breadcrumbed, your partner plays the victim every time you complain about their shortcomings. They make you feel bad and regret bringing up the conversation.
If you are being breadcrumbed, your partner is inconsistent in giving you the time and attention you need. They give you more time and attention when they notice you are losing interest. In addition, when your interest is intact, they stop giving you the time and attention you need.
They avoid serious conversations
Your partner avoids any form of conversation that will define your relationship. They will also avoid conversations about taking your relationship to the next level or the future of the relationship.
They are more concerned about sexual activities
When you are being breadcrumbed, your partner contacts you or impress you only when they want to get sexually involved with you. They are hardly concerned about any other aspect of your life.
They are always busy
This sign is relative, because there are people that are genuinely busy. A partner that is always busy and schedules your time of communication is most likely breadcrumbing you.
They do not want you around any opposite sex, but they want to keep theirs as friends
Another sign of a partner that is breadcrumbing you is that they won’t want you to make friends with any opposite sex and they will prefer to keep the opposite sex as friends. They love to be in control and get angry if they see you around any opposite sex. They also expect you to understand and be cool when you see them with the opposite sex.
Tips to handle a partner that’s breadcrumbing you
Engage in a discussion with them: As much as your partner would avoid discussions, it is important to engage in a discussion with them. This way, you will clarify your thoughts and assumptions with them.
Avoid or stay away from them: After discussing with such partner and nothing changes. It is advisable to avoid and stay far away from such a person, to avoid being hurt continuously.
Maintain your self-respect: In dealing with a breadcrumbing partner, it is important to ensure you respect yourself and ensure you are being respected. Avoid lowering your standards; if such a person is not cool with your reasonable standards, then they are not ready to be with you.
Make new friends: This applies mostly to people that are being breadcrumbed in a friendship or situationship. Make new friends, go out with new friends and make yourself happy. Do not hold too tight to a breadcrumbing partner, instead be open to new friendship.
Being breadcrumbed can be one of the most painful position to be in a relationship or friendship, hence it is important to watch out for these signs and avoid being breadcrumbed. This way, you save yourself from wasting time and emotions.
Stay safe and avoid being breadcrumbed.
Let us know what you think about this blogpost in the comment section
Recession or depression? Are you financially down or emotionally disturbed? Is it a clinical situation or a money situation? These questions linger in my mind, when I see recession being mistaken for depression.
Many people assume that because of a decline in their happiness, they are experiencing depression. Meanwhile, they are most likely experiencing recession and its side effects. A proper definition of the two terms will shed more light on what recession and depression entail.
According to the American psychiatry association; depression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, think, and act. While recession is defined in this context as the decline in the financial position of an individual or group of people.
Most times, experiencing a decline in your financial position can lead to various mood changes and can affect a person’s actions and inactions, but this does not mean they are depressed. It might also mean they are responding to the issue they find themselves in. This may look like depression, but it is more like a reaction to a situation.
In other to buttress the difference between experiencing recession and depression. The following information below will provide information on whether what you are experiencing is depression or recession.
Signs that shows that you are experiencing recession
Financial Crisis: While experiencing recession, there is a financial crisis, which affects your spending and savings.
Financial position changes mood: While experiencing recession, your mood changes when you remember your financial position is not rosy. In addition, while experiencing recession, your mood lightens up when your financial position takes shape or increases.
Signs that shows that you are experiencing depression
Difficult living: While experiencing depression, everything about a person’s life will look difficult
Suicidal thoughts: While experiencing depression, a person has suicidal thoughts
Static bad mood: While experiencing depression, a person may not have a better change of mood. Even if something good happens such person may not experience happiness
Therapist or psychologist consultation: While experiencing depression, a need for a therapist or psychologist is almost inevitable.
Please note that, recession can lead to depression in the long run. Also, experiencing recession does not automatically mean a person is depressed. So the big question is; are you experiencing recession or depression?
Please join in the conversation and let us know what you think in the comment section.
Hello there and welcome to my world. I’m sure you are wondering, why TimiThoughts? well the answers are not far fetched. I have always been a broad thinker who ponders on various aspect of life, criticize different norms and also explore various thoughts and ideas on how to make life worth living.
TimiThoughts is an opportunity to share my thoughts and ideas about various aspect of life and also help readers navigate through life and also learn from my thoughts and ideas towards making the best decisions in life.
Once again, welcome to my world and enjoy exploring subsequent contents.